Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Doubts, a Poem

It's been a while since I've written poetry, but sometimes it is easier to express things in that medium. It's a different medium for the words in my head.


Slithering fingers
Piercing my fragile brain
Worming past concrete barriers
Walls of hope and light
Offending digits
Leaving trails of disgust
Loathing and worry
I hack them off
Leaving bloody stumps
Wiggling obscenely
Reforming flesh and sinew
Flaying my soul anew.

No matter how hard we try to avoid it, there will be doubts. We doubt because we lay bare our souls for the world to judge. I paint with words as an artist does with colors. We both will doubt and fear that someone will find us wanting.

Despite that, I can't stop. The words won't let me. I stop, I cease to be. At least that part of me that revels in the flow of words. In the creating and shaping of worlds, lives, and stories. I've been there for too long. Years of my life wasted by being a slave to my doubts and fears.

Years ago, I met a man named Ed Brunt, police officer, Tae Kwon Do master, poet. He came to my Junior High and spoke to us. He told me something that has stayed with me for years.
All of you could gang up and beat me physically. But only I can defeat myself mentally.
At the time, I didn't understand what he was saying.

I do now.

Only I can stop me from succeeding. I am my doubts, my fears, my own worst enemy. If I chose, I can succumb to those feelings and stagnate or I can rise above it. I accept that I have doubt. I accept that I have fear. I accept that a part of me will think I am nothing.

But these things are only a part of me and not the whole of me. By accepting it, I make it less. By owning it, I make it my slave. By moving forward, I make it smaller.

'Till Next Time


  1. I LOVE YOU! for being you, for putting yourself out there, for taking the leap, and letting us know what's in your heart! For taking control of the negative and making it your bitch! :P

    This kind of inspires me, I've been reluctant to put my poetry online, but I might just post it on my blog, like you. I have the beginnings of a poem I started last week when I was in that dark place. I wonder if I can finish it, and not leave it a dark and gloomy poem. But here's what I have so far.... (it may change as I work on it!)

    As the day swells on
    waves of thunder and pain
    roll through my heart
    dragging me under
    the riptide of darkness.
    Dreams shatter
    Millions of pieces of hope

    Voices rage in my head
    my heart
    neither play nice
    with the other
    bicker and banter
    tearing at the walls

    1. :D Thank you. Ditto.

      And that poem is amazing. Love the images it evokes. You should post it on your blog when you are done.