Looking back at my blog posts, I realized something. It has been almost exactly a month since I posted anything that wasn't a book review or a cover reveal. Now, don't get me wrong. I love doing those posts. I love promoting my friends work. However, in most cases, they aren't posts that are from me. With cover reveals, 90% of the text is provided. It doesn't take much time or effort on my part.
Another thing I noticed was that it has been a while since I've done any consistent writing. Now, I have been writing, just not consistently. Instead I've been flopping around, reading, playing Darkout, and doing Grad School stuff. All of these things are important, but I really need to finish Hate Jacket. It's that Damacles sword hanging over my head. Reminding me that if I don't finish, I'll fail.
And then there's the fear. The fear of not necessarily failing, but of writing the story that NEEDS to be written. Hate Jacket is THAT story. It's not pretty. It's scary and not in a horror movie way. It's the kind of horror that only real life creates. It's not some hollywood monster grabbing at us when we walk alone, at night, with a faulty flashlight in the monster infested forest. No, this is the horror that comes from people making horrible decisions.
I'm allowing myself to write that story and it scares me.
This is not a bad thing. It's just a scary thing.
There is a difference. Unfortunately, when I get scared, I hide. I hide from the words. I hide from life. I disappear into books and games and try to ignore the words slamming around inside my brain.
A couple days ago, I forced myself to open my netbook and start working on revisions. It's still slow, but I'm getting there.
My #writemotivation goals for March are pretty shot at this point. I've done some reading and done a little revisions. I've posted a few motivational tweets for my friends. Been in a few DM conversations with some people who needed to vent.
That being said, I won't call this month a failure. I didn't accomplish my goals, but that doesn't make me a failure. It just means I have to work harder. Besides, there's still a week left to redeem myself. Right? Maybe? I think?
So here's some motivation from one of my favorite movies, Galaxy Quest. I think the mullet says it all.
p.s. On an awesome note, it looks like another short of mine will appear in Veux Magazine. I'll give more details when I know more.