Zombie Sestina

I don't like sestinas. I honestly don't like them. It's not that they are bad, I'm just not a big fan of them. I don't like reading them and I'm not a huge fan at writing them either. However, I had to write one for class. So I started thinking. I needed a theme, something to focus on. I was floundering, then I saw this post by the lovely, and talented, Natalie Parker. Suddenly, I had an idea...an awesome, evil, zombie idea. So, Natalie, this one is for you.

Zombie Sestina


The government wants to hide the fact there are zombies.
Did you know that they eat brains?
It starts as a virus.
And it infects your blood.
The best way to kill them is to use a gun.
If you’re out of ammo, you should be running.

If you are out running,
You better watch out for zombies.
They’ll be gun-
ing for you because they like brains.
They can also smell warm blood.
If they scratch you, you’ll get the virus.

If you see someone infected with the virus
Your best bet is to start running--
They’ll soon be out for your blood,
Trying to turn everyone into zombies
That want to eat your brains
Hope you didn’t lose your gun!

You have to know where to aim your gun
The virus
Lives in their brains
It keeps their bodies running,
Turning the dead into zombies
Who love the taste of blood.

Did you know there is no blood
When you shoot them with a gun?
I mean the zombies!
Did you know the military developed the virus?
So stop running
And blow out their brains!

I told you about their brains
Right? That there is no blood?
We need to find a safe-house so we can stop running,
Maybe find some ammo for your gun.
Stupid virus!
Damn zombies!

The zombie’s brains hold the virus that infects your blood. Grab your gun and start running.

Nerdalicious Alphabet Poem

I normally wait on posting my class homework until later, but one of my friends wanted to read this. I also need to post for my #writemotivation stuff (which I will add after the poem). Anyway, the assignment was to write an alphabet poem. I had no idea what I was going to write. Alphabet poems take some planning and I've been more focused on my WIP#1 than my school work. It wasn't until the phrase "All your base are belong to us" popped into my head that I realized that I had something. Then it was just a matter of coming up with the remain 26 letters and a title that summed it up. The first draft sounded pretty good until I got to the letter "K", then it started to get stinky. So, I put it away until a little bit ago when I think I figured it all out. It doesn't flow as well as other things I've written, but I'll just have to deal. If I push to much more on it, I'm afraid I'll get frustrated.

Here it is:
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Nerd-gasm (Iambicum Insaniae)

All your base are belong to us
Baseball cards and all that stuff
Comic books and Cons galore
Dynamic Duo across the floor
Electron microscope in hand
Fluorescent rotoscope expands
Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!
Hydrogen filled flotilla escapes
Impressive foam Godzilla’s fate
Japanese anime reigns supreme
Kings and queens and majestic knights
Live action role-playing tonight
Magic, the Gathering we all play
New rules for AD&D. Yeah!
One does not simply walk into Mordor, you see?
Plunder the ruins, slay the beast
Quickly someone call for pizza, please!
Requisite monetary donations feed
Succulent, savory tomato sauce and cheese
Tonight we’ll stay up till three!
Universal mayhem kills to fast
Victory within their grasp
Waiting for the dice to pass
XYKON RULES SUPREME!
Yells the DM commanding
Zzzzzzz…the players dream.
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As promised here is my #writemotivation update.

1. Write 30 minutes every day -- So far so good!
2. Blog once a week -- So far so good!
3. Cheer on my fellow #writemotivation buddies -- Definitely!
4. Finish ch. 4 of WIP#1 -- DONE!
5. Start and finish ch. 5 of WIP#1 -- Starting soon and I think I know what Ch. 6 is going to entail
6. Keep from getting distracted by WIP#2 -- It's been quiet so far, but I feel it lurking in there. It is still insidious and evil.

'Till next time!

Poetic Definitions with Patterns

One of the things we do in class is write through imitation. I've mentioned this in other blog posts, so I won't bore you with the details. Needless to say, today's blog post is another one of those writing projects.  In this case, we had to analyse "af • ter • glow" by A. Van Jordan.  The design of the poem is that of a dictionary definition.  I would include it, but I don't want to infringe on any copyrights. If you find a copy, you can read it. If you really look at what he's doing, it is quiet elegant. Lots of patterns using opposites.  So, our assignment was to write our own poem, using the same techniques and patterns that he did (i.e. write a poem definition of something an use lots of opposites with some sound repetitions). So, that's what I did.

I used to have the poem on here, but apparently, it was picked in a literary journal for my local Community college. As such, I am deleting the poem.

'Till next time.

Five Easy Pieces

I normally write these on Tuesdays after class, however, I had two posts on that Monday (#1 and #2) and didn't want to overload my loyal friends and followers with a third one on Tuesday. Also, the teacher didn't return our work from the previous week. Anyway, we did some really interesting in-class writing that I wanted to share with you. The topic was "insight" and how we as writers can express it without sounding pretentious and annoying.

The teacher handed us a photographed page from a book. I'm not sure what book it came from, but the title of the article was "Five Easy Pieces" by Richard Jackson. In it, the author lists five things to use to formulate a scene (poetry or prose). You start with a person (real or imagined) and a place where you might find that person, then follow the steps below. Try this on your own, you might be surprised at the results. Give yourself 15 minutes and then stop. What I came up with follows.

1. Describe the person's hands.
2. Describe something he or she is doing with their hands.
3. Use a metaphor to say something about some exotic place.
4. Mention what you would want to ask this person in the context of 2 and 3, above.
5. The person looks up or toward you, notices you there, and gives and answer that suggest he or she only gets part of what you asked.

Choreography

by M. Andrew Patterson

His hands were smooth

Never having labored over a hot stove in July

The grease burning and searing the skin

The charcoal embedding under your nails.

His pencil twitched a rapid staccato

As his hand moved it smoothly over the page

A ballerina in graphite

Dancing through Elysian fields

A swan over stormy seas.

"What do you think?" I ask it. I dread it

A pause -- A dip

The dancing done.

"Tuesday would be a good time, you think?" 

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The next in-class writing assignment was to take an ordinary kitchen appliance or utensil and write about it from a different perspective. We had to write it in 8-9 sentences and we had to avoid describing it to obviously. We had to be creative. We had 10 minutes.

Kitchen Appliance in 8 Sentences

by M. Andrew Patterson

Oh you conveyor of mana. That heavenly nectar that raises us from our slumber. We imbibe on your holy blood. Your divine vessel filled with riches. It stains our lips and tongue. It marks us with its earth-bound scent. Warily we dare not spill it for its kiss will surely burn us. Oh, how we worship you.

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'Till next time.

An Argument Between Equals

This, impossible, exercise was asked of me as one of my assignments for my writing class. We had to write an argument between equals. The catch? We couldn't use anything but dialog. No descriptions, no "he said's" or "she explained's", just pure dialog. It was "interesting", but ultimately, an impossibility. Why? Because arguments are never between equals. One person will always have the up. If they don't, then eventually, one person will leave or something will interfere and force a resolution. It's human nature. We don't like conflict. However, if you want to see a pure argument between equals, then you should check out the AI vs. AI video. It's funny, and weird.

Anyway, I think I did an "ok" job with mine. The only issue I had was that I kept using "he said" and "he replied" etc.  Oh well, this version won't have it.

Bedtime

“Zachary, time to get ready for bed.”
“I’m just trying to fix this thing.”
“Zachary. You need to stop what you are doing and get ready for bed.”
“I’m just trying to fix this THING!”
“I realize that Zachary, but I TOLD you to get ready for bed.”
“Just a minute, I’m just trying to fix this THING, Dad. You never let me finish.”
“You need to STOP what you are doing and get ready for BED!”
“NO!”
“What?!”
“I HATE YOU!”
“I don’t care if you hate me. You still have to get READY FOR BED!”
"No! I don't want to!"
"Well, that's just too bad. I'm the dad and I make the rules. Get ready for bed!"
"Well, when I'm the dad, I'm going to make the rules and then you'll have to get ready for bed!"
“That’s nice. Now go brush your teeth.”
“I don’t have my PJs on yet!”
“What?! What have you been doing this whole time?”
“I’ve been trying to finish my Lego thing!”
“I told you to get your PJs on! Not mess around with your Legos!”
“But my Legos keep falling apart, and I it won’t work and I need to get it fixed. Then I can go to bed.”
“I don’t care. I told you to do something. Now DO IT!”
“No!”
“OW! Did you just bite me?! You get back here right now. Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m leaving this house! I’m going to go somewhere else, ‘cuz I don’t like you! You’re being mean to me and won’t let me fix my Legos.”
“Oh really. Well, it’s dark outside and it’s cold. Where are you going to go?”
“I’m going to Sarah’s house. I’m gonna live there with her and you can’t come and visit me!”
“Zachary, you take your coat and shoes off and go to your room until you can calm down.”
“FINE!”
"Don’t…slam the door.”

Antivirus, a story

This was one of my class assignments that I just turned in. Unlike previous assignments, I had to write something devoid of all images. This is harder than it sounds. My wife suggested that I try writing something stream of conscious. At the time, I couldn't come up with anything that didn't evoke some form of imagery. An hour before class I had a brilliant flash of inspiration. I have a friend to thank for that because the evening before I was working on her virus infected computer. The story is in no way a reflection of the reality that I experienced, but if you've ever been hit with a virus, or had to fix a computer that was infected, you should appreciate this.  This flew out of my head in a record 20 minutes.

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Antivirus

Stupid virus! Why can’t you just go away like a good little virus? But no, you want to lurk inside my operating system, insidiously infecting my files until there is nothing left but garbage. Dammit! Now you’ve shut down my antivirus! It’s not like I paid $39.95 for that thing! What waste of money! Couldn’t stop a flea with a head-cold!

Now, let’s see. Google don’t fail me now. How do I get rid of this thing? Come on, give me something good. Penis enlargement!? Not what I was looking for! Ok, let’s try this site. Um, maybe we’ll just close that site down. Yeah, don’t want to look at that image ever again. Why are all my searches taking me to porn? Curse you virus! Now I will NEVER get THAT image out of my head. Thanks a whole freaking lot!

Great, now I can’t search for anything without pulling up sites that I would rather never see again. Ok, virus, maybe this anti-what-sit-callit program will work. Yeah, it works! Damn, never mind. Come on brain, think. What do I have left that this thing can’t kill? There has got to be some Holy Grail, Hail Mary, full of grace program out there. Oh, wait! I can’t search the internet without getting results that could be used against me in a court of law. NEVER MIND!

Ok, calm down. There has to be a solution. Don’t make me wipe the hard-drive. Please! It will take days to reinstall and reconfigure everything. Not to mention I’ll have to find the restoration discs, backup EVERYTHING, and then start from scratch. Arrgh! You insidious bastard!

You know what? Fine. You want to play hard-ball? Well guess what, eat restoration disc sucker! Let’s see, just pop the disc in, reboot the computer and here we go. Yes! Houston, we have lift-off! Ok, now. Yes, I want to reformat the hard-drive and reinstall the operating system. Yes, I’m absolutely sure. Yes, it will delete…wait a minute! Oh crap! I forgot to back up everything! NO! Stop it! Don’t continue! Quit! Quit! Abort! No!

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 'Till next time.

Writing Images

This weeks assignments revolved around images.  The phrase that keeps being said is, "show, don't tell."  As cliche as that might be, it is actually a really good way at looking at it.  Simply put, show how the picture is moving, don't tell, or summarize, what is happening.  The gives your images a feeling of motion whereas a summary is just a static picture.  Here is an analogy.  A static image, a.k.a summary, is like a family photo.  It's nice, people look good, but you aren't going to spend the day picking out details.  A picture of a football player diving for a one handed catch with his toes just inside the goal line is the equivalent to "showing" an image.  It isn't easy to do, without some practice, but it is very important if you want to be a good writer.

So, one of the in class exercises we did was to go up the hall, look at the student art that was on display, and then write a poem on it.  We had 30 minutes.  There was some good art, some ok art, and then some really weird art (I actually saw a sculpture of a giant set of teeth...it was weird...nothing else, just teeth.  One of them was gold).  Anyway, I kept getting snagged by this charcoal picture of this girls face.  The only color were her green eyes.  They were almost a turquoise.  I've seen a lot of photos done like this (with photoshop).  The affect, if done right, is very dramatic.  Anyway, I wrote the poem.  After we wrote it, he then made us condense it into a Haiku-esque form.  Haiku being a very loose translation of what we did.  Anyway, here is the poem (unedited) and the two "Haikus" that I wrote.

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Eyes
Your eyes,
they capture me
and tear me asunder.
You watch,
but it is not me
that your vacant eyes follow.
Someone else
that is speared by your gaze.
I beg them to see me,
to burn me with their beauty.
Yet I stand here,
--cold and alone.

Eyes Haiku 1
Vacant eyes
A far-away stare
Leaves me wanting

Eyes Haiku 2
Laughing eyes
They watch another
I am invisible
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So, there you have it.  The rest of class involved something called "story cubes".  Essentially, they are a set of dice that have pictures on them.  You roll several of them and then construct a story using those images.  If you get an image more than once, you have to use it more than once.  You also have to pick one of the images and have it as your title, which of course, the story cannot be about.  I'll spare you the gory details of how horrendous my cube story was.  When you have 2 aliens, 2 houses, a lightning bolt, a question mark, a speech bubble, a cellphone, a key, and a shooting star, you are not going to have literary genius.  To make matters worse, we had to roll the dice once more, pick an image, and change the whole context of the story.  I rolled a die, a pyramid, and a book.  Yeah, it was as bad as you are probably imagining.  It was fun, but very hard to do on the spur of the moment.  I think I will have to get a set and start practicing.

Till next time.

Writing with Energy

Since I just sent my blog link to my professor, I will start by saying how much I really really really enjoy my creative writing class. Notice I said this with a straight face and without a hint of sarcasm. If you know me personally, you'll realize what an accomplishment that was.

Seriously, it is a fun class. I'm learning a lot. The textbook is really interesting to read.  It is also fascinating to sit and listen to other people talk about what you have written. It was hard not to say anything. Not because I disagreed with what they were saying, but rather, I wanted to join into fun of the discussion. As a novice writer, this kind of feedback is really helpful.

Anyway, one of the assignments we had was to write a 250 word short story that involved a minimum of two characters in a conflict situation. So here is the story. I've removed the last sentence as per a suggestion from my professor...I'll tell you what it is afterwards so you can see what I mean. The only "negative" comment was that the way I ended the story meant that there was no more. I admit, it was a fairly final ending. Mostly, I was trying to hit the 250 word mark and I'll be honest, I like an ending that hits "below the belt". Happy endings are easy, endings that leave you going "ouch" are harder.

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The Stairwell

Sam pulled on Gary's arm, "Come on Gary. The stairs are this way." Gary mumbled a response as he staggered after his friend, his hand pressed to the wound on his head.

Sam gingerly picked his way through the debris field that used to be their office. He could see shapes moving in the flickering gloom. Voices calling out to each other as the survivors searched for friends and coworkers. Sam tried to not look down at the still forms trapped in the rubble. He wanted to stop and help, but he could feel the floor shifting as the remaining supports groaned under the extra weight. There wasn’t enough time.  They had to reach the stairwell. The stairwell was their salvation.

Gary tripped and went down. It wasn’t the first time. Sam struggled to help his friend stand. "Should have cut down on the burritos, Gary," Sam said lamely. Gary said nothing, just leaned against him, panting, eyes unfocused. "Seriously, Alice will kill me if I don't get you out of this. Just a few more steps and we'll be home free."

The shriek of tortured metal filled the air and the floor tilted alarmingly. Survivors screamed in panic as they lost their footing. Voices were cut off abruptly as heavy office furniture shifted. Sam staggered the last few steps and wrenched the door open.
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Originally, the very last sentence was "His shout of triumph consumed by the raging fires below." I'll admit, that is a really harsh ending. I wasn't writing it to be anything longer. However, after listening to the discussion of my classmates, I might have to leave out that very depressing ending. That way, I can possibly expand on this story as the semester progresses. We'll see.

Till next time.