Doubts, a Poem

It's been a while since I've written poetry, but sometimes it is easier to express things in that medium. It's a different medium for the words in my head.

Doubts 

Slithering fingers
Piercing my fragile brain
Worming past concrete barriers
Walls of hope and light
Offending digits
Leaving trails of disgust
Loathing and worry
I hack them off
Leaving bloody stumps
Wiggling obscenely
Reforming flesh and sinew
Flaying my soul anew.


No matter how hard we try to avoid it, there will be doubts. We doubt because we lay bare our souls for the world to judge. I paint with words as an artist does with colors. We both will doubt and fear that someone will find us wanting.

Despite that, I can't stop. The words won't let me. I stop, I cease to be. At least that part of me that revels in the flow of words. In the creating and shaping of worlds, lives, and stories. I've been there for too long. Years of my life wasted by being a slave to my doubts and fears.

Years ago, I met a man named Ed Brunt, police officer, Tae Kwon Do master, poet. He came to my Junior High and spoke to us. He told me something that has stayed with me for years.

All of you could gang up and beat me physically. But only I can defeat myself mentally.

At the time, I didn't understand what he was saying.

I do now.

Only I can stop me from succeeding. I am my doubts, my fears, my own worst enemy. If I chose, I can succumb to those feelings and stagnate or I can rise above it. I accept that I have doubt. I accept that I have fear. I accept that a part of me will think I am nothing.

But these things are only a part of me and not the whole of me. By accepting it, I make it less. By owning it, I make it my slave. By moving forward, I make it smaller.

'Till Next Time

Off Like a Herd of Speeding Turtles plus June #writemotivation update

Yes, that is how June has started. Despite my desire to move faster, I am being lapped by turtles...specifically the turtles resting on the on in the picture above. I would be more frustrated except that I know that other authors out there have the same problem. It happens. You get over it, you move on.

My goal for May was to finish my WIP. This didn't happen. However, in my defense, I was writing a short story for my Creative Writing class that I ultimately submitted to the college literary journal. Feedback from various writerly friends and students from my class was really positive. So, we'll wait...and wait...and wait...and maybe hear back.

On other good news, poetry.com has risen from the dead. Spent some time on there and it looks really nice. I finally found my old poems that I posted on there. I've included links in my Publications and WIPs page. Check them out and leave me a comment if you want.

Also on that page, you'll see that I have retired "The Forgotten Arch". I did that because I was incorporating it into WIP#1 and have decided to alter it significantly to fit better into the plot (and because I have some ideas to make it sound cooler).

So, my goal for June? Well, I would like to finish the first draft of WIP#1 so I can get it out to Crit/Betas for review. Almost done, but like I said, I'm running a little slow right now. So, we'll see what happens. June isn't a #writemotivation check-in month, but I'll still be posting updates via Twitter and this blog. I also plan on cheering for all of my writer friends out there in the Tweet-verse. You guys are an inspiration and a joy to talk to.

'Till next time.

Zombie Sestina

I don't like sestinas. I honestly don't like them. It's not that they are bad, I'm just not a big fan of them. I don't like reading them and I'm not a huge fan at writing them either. However, I had to write one for class. So I started thinking. I needed a theme, something to focus on. I was floundering, then I saw this post by the lovely, and talented, Natalie Parker. Suddenly, I had an idea...an awesome, evil, zombie idea. So, Natalie, this one is for you.

Zombie Sestina


The government wants to hide the fact there are zombies.
Did you know that they eat brains?
It starts as a virus.
And it infects your blood.
The best way to kill them is to use a gun.
If you’re out of ammo, you should be running.

If you are out running,
You better watch out for zombies.
They’ll be gun-
ing for you because they like brains.
They can also smell warm blood.
If they scratch you, you’ll get the virus.

If you see someone infected with the virus
Your best bet is to start running--
They’ll soon be out for your blood,
Trying to turn everyone into zombies
That want to eat your brains
Hope you didn’t lose your gun!

You have to know where to aim your gun
The virus
Lives in their brains
It keeps their bodies running,
Turning the dead into zombies
Who love the taste of blood.

Did you know there is no blood
When you shoot them with a gun?
I mean the zombies!
Did you know the military developed the virus?
So stop running
And blow out their brains!

I told you about their brains
Right? That there is no blood?
We need to find a safe-house so we can stop running,
Maybe find some ammo for your gun.
Stupid virus!
Damn zombies!

The zombie’s brains hold the virus that infects your blood. Grab your gun and start running.

Poetic Forms and #writemotivation update

This week is spring break, so I won't be attending class.  It's funny, but when I was in college the first time, I couldn't wait for spring break.  Now that I am in this creative writing class, I can't wait for spring break to get over. Partially, I want to see my teacher's comments on one of my assignments.  If they are good, which I expect them to be (he's liked most of what I have done so far), I plan on using it as a basis for my final short story project.  I'm also partially wanting to get back to class.  Its been fun and I want to take more classes like this.

One of the assignments that I need to get done before the next class is to create my own form (poetic or prose).  From what he showed us from last year, they can get pretty crazy.  There were all theoretically possible to do.  I've got a couple weird ones that I am probably going to turn in...and yes, I will share them here...now.

Piece of Pie Form (Poetic form)

1. The poem must be 6 lines long
2. Must be in this form:
• 1st line: 3 words
• 2nd line: 1 word
• 3rd line: 4 words
• 4th line: 1 word
• 5th line: 5 words
• 6th line: 9 words
3. There can be no repeated rhythms, phrases, or rhyming.
4. Optional challenge: Don't repeat a word in consecutive lines

Towel Form (Poetic form)

1. Poem must be 42 lines long
2. First line must be 4 words, 2nd line: 2 words.  Alternate the 4 words/2 words pattern until the end
3. The last 3 words of the poem must be "Infinity Improbability Drive"
4. The poem cannot make reference to any book by Douglas Adams (excepting the last 3 words)
5. Optional challenge: Every 4 word line must rhyme, Every 2 word line must rhyme
6. Optional challenge: Include the word "towel" 4 times and the word "mice" 2 times
7. Improbable Challenge: Multiply 9 x 6

Ok, #7 is a joke, but I had to add it.  These should be possible to write.  I will have some poems written in this form by the time classes resume (I hope!).

Now on to my #writemotivation update:

1. Finish ch. 4 and start ch. 5: Um, yeah. I'm up to ch. 8 now (need to revise my goal!)
2. Blog at least once a week: Yup!
3. Write 30 minutes every day: Done (and then some!). There were a couple days where I wasn't actually typing, but I did get some stuff plotted out and figured for WIP#1
4. Cheer on everyone else: Definitely! It's one of my favorite things!
5. Not get distracted by WIP#2: He's still lurking in there, but he's been really quiet so far. I think he's decided to be a good boy for the time being.

'Till next time!

Nerdalicious Alphabet Poem

I normally wait on posting my class homework until later, but one of my friends wanted to read this. I also need to post for my #writemotivation stuff (which I will add after the poem). Anyway, the assignment was to write an alphabet poem. I had no idea what I was going to write. Alphabet poems take some planning and I've been more focused on my WIP#1 than my school work. It wasn't until the phrase "All your base are belong to us" popped into my head that I realized that I had something. Then it was just a matter of coming up with the remain 26 letters and a title that summed it up. The first draft sounded pretty good until I got to the letter "K", then it started to get stinky. So, I put it away until a little bit ago when I think I figured it all out. It doesn't flow as well as other things I've written, but I'll just have to deal. If I push to much more on it, I'm afraid I'll get frustrated.

Here it is:
--------------
Nerd-gasm (Iambicum Insaniae)

All your base are belong to us
Baseball cards and all that stuff
Comic books and Cons galore
Dynamic Duo across the floor
Electron microscope in hand
Fluorescent rotoscope expands
Gort! Klaatu barada nikto!
Hydrogen filled flotilla escapes
Impressive foam Godzilla’s fate
Japanese anime reigns supreme
Kings and queens and majestic knights
Live action role-playing tonight
Magic, the Gathering we all play
New rules for AD&D. Yeah!
One does not simply walk into Mordor, you see?
Plunder the ruins, slay the beast
Quickly someone call for pizza, please!
Requisite monetary donations feed
Succulent, savory tomato sauce and cheese
Tonight we’ll stay up till three!
Universal mayhem kills to fast
Victory within their grasp
Waiting for the dice to pass
XYKON RULES SUPREME!
Yells the DM commanding
Zzzzzzz…the players dream.
--------------

As promised here is my #writemotivation update.

1. Write 30 minutes every day -- So far so good!
2. Blog once a week -- So far so good!
3. Cheer on my fellow #writemotivation buddies -- Definitely!
4. Finish ch. 4 of WIP#1 -- DONE!
5. Start and finish ch. 5 of WIP#1 -- Starting soon and I think I know what Ch. 6 is going to entail
6. Keep from getting distracted by WIP#2 -- It's been quiet so far, but I feel it lurking in there. It is still insidious and evil.

'Till next time!

Poetic Definitions with Patterns

One of the things we do in class is write through imitation. I've mentioned this in other blog posts, so I won't bore you with the details. Needless to say, today's blog post is another one of those writing projects.  In this case, we had to analyse "af • ter • glow" by A. Van Jordan.  The design of the poem is that of a dictionary definition.  I would include it, but I don't want to infringe on any copyrights. If you find a copy, you can read it. If you really look at what he's doing, it is quiet elegant. Lots of patterns using opposites.  So, our assignment was to write our own poem, using the same techniques and patterns that he did (i.e. write a poem definition of something an use lots of opposites with some sound repetitions). So, that's what I did.

I used to have the poem on here, but apparently, it was picked in a literary journal for my local Community college. As such, I am deleting the poem.

'Till next time.

Five Easy Pieces

I normally write these on Tuesdays after class, however, I had two posts on that Monday (#1 and #2) and didn't want to overload my loyal friends and followers with a third one on Tuesday. Also, the teacher didn't return our work from the previous week. Anyway, we did some really interesting in-class writing that I wanted to share with you. The topic was "insight" and how we as writers can express it without sounding pretentious and annoying.

The teacher handed us a photographed page from a book. I'm not sure what book it came from, but the title of the article was "Five Easy Pieces" by Richard Jackson. In it, the author lists five things to use to formulate a scene (poetry or prose). You start with a person (real or imagined) and a place where you might find that person, then follow the steps below. Try this on your own, you might be surprised at the results. Give yourself 15 minutes and then stop. What I came up with follows.

1. Describe the person's hands.
2. Describe something he or she is doing with their hands.
3. Use a metaphor to say something about some exotic place.
4. Mention what you would want to ask this person in the context of 2 and 3, above.
5. The person looks up or toward you, notices you there, and gives and answer that suggest he or she only gets part of what you asked.

Choreography

by M. Andrew Patterson

His hands were smooth

Never having labored over a hot stove in July

The grease burning and searing the skin

The charcoal embedding under your nails.

His pencil twitched a rapid staccato

As his hand moved it smoothly over the page

A ballerina in graphite

Dancing through Elysian fields

A swan over stormy seas.

"What do you think?" I ask it. I dread it

A pause -- A dip

The dancing done.

"Tuesday would be a good time, you think?" 

------

The next in-class writing assignment was to take an ordinary kitchen appliance or utensil and write about it from a different perspective. We had to write it in 8-9 sentences and we had to avoid describing it to obviously. We had to be creative. We had 10 minutes.

Kitchen Appliance in 8 Sentences

by M. Andrew Patterson

Oh you conveyor of mana. That heavenly nectar that raises us from our slumber. We imbibe on your holy blood. Your divine vessel filled with riches. It stains our lips and tongue. It marks us with its earth-bound scent. Warily we dare not spill it for its kiss will surely burn us. Oh, how we worship you.

------

'Till next time.

Dyad, a poem

I wrote this poem many years ago when I was in high school.  It has remained, largely untouched, since then.  I will admit that I have edited it for this post.  I was, after all, a lot younger then and my understanding of language has evolved, as all things do, over time.  The heavy use of dashes in this poem is a stylistic technique that I use consistently in my poetry.  I have also used ellipses, but I don't know if there is a difference, in my head, for the two.  I used it to break up the rhythm of the poem visually.  It is up to the reader, as with all writing, on their interpretation of the marks.

A "dyad" is, according to dictionary.com, a grouping of two.  In the case of this poem, I used the term to suggest the personal duality I felt at that time.  It is a poem of opposites and one that I really identified with at the time.  The concept of a "dyad" is a recurring theme in my early writing.  For those of you wondering...yes, my blog was named after this poem.

-----------
I am a creature born unto the night
Yet raised in the day.
A child of Darkness and of Light--
Without reason or way.

Twin in soul--One in body--
Logical and conceptual,
Sensible and insane--
Angry and alone.

I am the son Evil
And the daughter of Good.
Dancing amongst the graves,
Praying in the tombs--
Not sure what has, fearful of what will--

I have hated the light,
I have loved the dark.
Through peaceful thoughts I roam,
Alive in twisted madness.
To touch the Evil at the core--
To feel the Good beyond it.

And so I remain--
Eternally divided, tet always one.
Lost in Life--Found in Death.
A child of Darkness--
And of Light--
Without reason or way.

Secret Friends -- A Poem

In my last post, I mentioned a poem about my childhood toys.  I looked through my old poetry and found it.

Secret Friends--Fantasy

My dearest friends,

As is plainly seen,

Are not of flesh and bone--

But of thought--And childhood fantasy.

Behind closed doors,

Far from view

Where no mortal eye can see--

Lives a world--Of simply fantasy.

------

It isn't much, but I think it gives you all the gist of what I was talking about.  I wrote this in my teenage years and it was significantly different than any other poem I had written at that time.  Most of the poetry I wrote was angst filled, angry, and full of hatred (and maybe a little blasphemy...I did mention I was angry...).